OVERVIEW (Scroll down to start reading attraction reviews)

Ah Disneyland Paris, the park in the Disney collection that’s had more ups and downs than Dumbo the Flying Elephant and more name changes than Liz Taylor. When a Disney park was first proposed for Europe, the French, unlike the Japanese who enthusiastically embraced the idea as they do most commercial aspects of America, were unimpressed. The notion of bringing a crass, American theme park to a land steeped in its own culture and a people

proud of its history didn’t sit too well. After all, why build a papier mache castle when the real thing is just around the corner? So when EuroDisney first opened its gates in 1992, the French (who, you might have heard, have a reputation for being just ever so slightly stuck up) stayed away in droves. Pity. Because with EuroDisney, Disney created one of its more beautiful, accessible and logistically smart parks. They chose as their site, a massive collection of beet farms in the sleepy town of Marne de Valle, a mere 30 minutes from Paris. The location meant easy access from the airport and, with the cooperation of the French government, a whole new train system, allowing travelers to come right up to the park gate for the price of a Metro ticket. The seven Disney property hotels were built with access in mind, all but the cheapest of them a short walk to the park and connected via The Disney Village (Paris’ version of Downtown Disney). Knowing that they were building in a country whose architecture and landscaping were legendary (Versailles, anyone?), Disney raised the bar and built a stunning park whose Sleeping Beauty Castle was more elaborate than any of its counterparts in the other three parks. This park also had the luxury of space so plaza areas were expansive and ornate, detailing was superb, and even though the park had fewer attractions than the others (with several classics like The Jungle Cruise, The Tiki Room, and The Country Bears notably absent) it felt huge. Moreover, because it was the newest of the “Magic Kingdom” parks, the imagineers had the benefit of lessons learned at the three other “Magic Kingdoms” to help determine elements that worked and didn’t work. And since this park came along a good ten years after it’s most recent predecessor (Tokyo Disneyland) all of the technology involved was that much more advanced.

Still, there was a long, hard period of adjustment and for the first five years, the park teetered on bankruptcy. Eventually the French (and surrounding European countries) dropped their guard and accepted the fact that the renamed Disneyland Paris is special. Disney, meanwhile, made cultural adjustments like allowing alcohol in the park (the only “Magic Kingdom” of the four which permits booze—shocking that Jeffrey hasn’t moved here) and smoking throughout the park to better accommodate European taste. And just as the park started showing signs of profitability, Disney decided to follow the American model and, as they were doing in Tokyo, build a second park to turn Disneyland Paris into a multi-day resort destination. In Tokyo, the opening of the gorgeous Tokyo DisneySea succeeded in doing just that. In Paris, however, The Walt Disney Studios, which opened in 2002 (bringing another name change- Disneyland Resort Paris, heretofore known as DRP), is an embarrassment of monumental proportions which has once again put Disneyland Paris into financial hot water. Bearing in mind that, with the exception of Tokyo DisneySea, every one of the newer Disney parks has opened with a growth curve ahead of it, chances are excellent that things will improve at The Disney Studios. That said, based on what’s on display now, there is a long road ahead before this park will be up to snuff.

PLANNING YOUR TRIP
Planning this trip is, in many ways, easier than any other Disney trip, since if you’re going, it’s likely to be an add on to a European vacation unless you’re a crazy fanatic like us. After all, there aren’t too many vacationers who go to Orlando or Anaheim for any reason other than Disney. Paris, on the other hand, is a stone’s throw away from the park and the rest of Europe is pretty damned close too. The Eurostar from London even has daily trains from Waterloo directly to Disneyland Paris, so planning a stop at Disney during a European getaway is fairly simple. Once you’re there, since the entirety of the property is in close proximity, having a car at Disneyland Paris is 100% unnecessary.

Timing is another matter. Unlike Disney’s American parks, Disneyland Paris has all four seasons. And while it’s fun to see the castle in the snow, walking around the park for twelve hours in frigid weather gets old no matter how cute you look in sweaters. Somehow the wind whipping your face on Big Thunder is less pleasurable when your teeth are chattering. Of course, the parks are quieter in winter, but if you plan to go when it’s cold, make sure that you pack appropriately. You won’t be the first to ride the tea cups in a mink. Also remember that the European school holiday schedules are very different from ours, so if you’re looking to avoid the crowds, do a bit of research with your hotel to see what capacity is like before you book.

DISNEYLAND PARIS: THE PARK!

MAIN STREET U.S.A.
At all of the Magic Kingdom parks, the entrance plaza is designed as a gateway of transformation. Once you go through the ticket turnstiles, you pass through portals that literally wall you off from the outside world and catapult you to the pristine, gaslight era of Main Street USA. Disneyland Paris is no exception, featuring a double entry.

First guests walk under the gorgeous, Victorian styled Disneyland Hotel (which makes tricking there essential if you want the earliest possible park access… What did I say?), through a ticket area where attraction preview posters whet your appetite for the delights inside. Then, once you’ve gotten through the icky money part, you pass, as you do in the other parks, under the Disneyland Railroad tracks into – ah—Main Street. The French Main Street is, at first glance, just like all of the others. Gorgeous, turn of the century facades cover the stores and restaurants as the past vies with the future with horse drawn trolleys making way for old motor cars and electric lights replacing gas. As you enter, look to the right at the silhouette of the Main Street Transportation Building. It’s designed to resemble the original Disneyland castle. I don’t really see it but then, I can never find Waldo, either. Several of the favorite American stores (Gibson Girl Ice Cream, Casey’s Corner hot dogs, The Emporium, City Hall) are all intact, but there is an immediately noticeable difference to this Main Street (other than the glaring absence of obese Americans). At the end of the street, is Sleeping Beauty Castle, the most ornate and beautiful of all of Disney’s park icons. This one not only has more water around it than any of the other castles, it has stunning landscaping and topiaries, flying buttresses, and gleaming gold accents. Designed to look as if the castle has magically shot up from rock, the exterior has a base of stone which gives way to brick and then, to pink, gilded spires on top. The newly redesigned castle at Disneyland attempts similar magic, but, because of its dwarfishness (sorry, not usually a size queen) is less successful. This one’s a stunner. And, to make it that much more imposing, it sits atop a hill, standing tall, overlooking all the goings on beneath it. As at the other parks, forced perspective is used to make the castle look that much grander but in Paris, another trick is employed. If you look closely at Main Street, you’ll see that the entire street is on a slight incline, thereby accenting the castle that much more (and wreaking havoc on the shins of parade dancers).

As you stroll past the Main Street stores, you’ll find that they closely resemble their American cousins. As at the other parks, the Main Street windows serve as the park’s credits, with key players recognized on the glass as store proprietors. Michael Eisner and Frank Wells, Disney’s two top dogs at the time of park opening, were given the rolls of bandleaders “leading the parade”. The architectural detailing is even more impressive than at the American parks, largely to keep up with the competition. After all, it’s easy to design buildings that are more beautiful than the real thing in downtown Orlando or Anaheim. Topping Paris is a little more challenging. Unless you’re talking Hilton.

The store interiors are also similar to the American versions, that is, until you slip out the back door. What? Back door? Yup. All of the stores on either side of Main Street have back doors which spill out into lovely enclosed arcades that run the length of Main Street, solving a design problem that exists in the other parks. Ever find yourself futilely trying to get out of the par k in the middle of a parade or fireworks show? Well in Paris, these back alleys accommodate just that. They’re also great for creating sit-down space on Main Street and an escape from the elements. The Emporium side arcade (West) is themed to commemorate the unveiling of the Statue of Liberty in New York (a period piece or a subtle suck-up, acknowledging America’s gratitude for the French gift of Lady Liberty?). The other, Discovery Arcade, sets the stage for the Jules Verne/ HG Wells inspired Discoveryland at the other end. “Futuristic” renderings of various American cities grace the walls. Both arcades are lovely and worth a stroll. They’re also good quiet spots during the day, if you want to escape. And the curtained off area with the Statue of Liberty tableau is always empty if you need some really private time (get your salacious mind out of the gutter—I meant to fix your makeup. Or break down in tears.)

Main Street also offers the first of the four in-park sit-down restaurants, Walt’s. Serving American cuisine, Walt’s features Disney artifacts that (sort of) tell the story of his life. It’s fancy but very good. And it’s a character destination for those of you who can’t really stand your dining companions and like to have your conversations broken up by photo ops with Minnie and Pluto.

Look out for Lily’s boutique, a tribute to Walt’s lady love, Lillian. And when in the Emporium, look for the murals depicting the store’s “other branches” in Orlando and Anaheim, each with opening dates 100 years prior to their actual opening.

But enough of this strolling around, appreciating detail. There are things to ride! And I don’t mean back at the Disneyland Hotel. On to the cowboys in Frontierland.

FANTASYLAND
Fantasyland at Disneyland Paris is arguably the most visually arresting of all the Fantasylands. While the others are designed to look like storybook, European villages, with actual European villages on the other side of the park gates, this Fantasyland needed something new. So, for this one, the imagineers emphasis was on fantasy and make believe (much like Eddie’s love life). It is with that thrust that the castle was designed, looking less like a recreated European palace and more like an enchanted edifice magically sprung from a mountain. A huge beanstalk grows from Sir Mickey’s shop while the requisite flying elephants soar overhead. It’s all fantasy.

The attractions in Fantasyland are more like the American counterparts than in any other land. Rides like Snow White, Peter Pan, Pinocchio, Dumbo, the Carousel, (called le Carousel du Lancelot instead of King Arthur’s here. Yes, we know, Lancelot was French. And it’s always a good idea to glorify the adulterer in any story), the Mad Hatter’s Tea Cups, and Casey Jr. Circus Train are all virtually identical to the American versions. Still, it’s fun to ride them all, just to experience the language shift (although I always thought that Captain Hook looked like he should be speaking French—or lisping).

“it’s a small world”, though the same in concept and similar in execution to the earlier versions, goes back to Walt’s original concept for the World’s Fair premiere (no walls) and features some brand new scenes. Look for the genie in the lamp, the Jewish kids and their menorah (a particularly welcome site in notoriously anti-Semitic France) and the section on America. Turn your head to the right as you go under the Golden Gate Bridge (the motherland!) for the sad sight of the World Trade Center Towers.

The unique attractions to be found here are all walk-throughs and well worth the stroll. First, over at the castle, make sure to ascend the central atrium to see the Sleeping Beauty story told in gorgeous, handcrafted stained glass and tapestry. You can also get an elevated view of Fantasyland from up there. Make sure to look out for the sleeping suits of armor.

Then it’s time to go down (stop it) to the dungeon (stop it) through Merlin’s back door (stop it! Merlin’s is a shop!) to see the biggest animatronic figure in Disney’s creation; yes, ladies and gentlemen, down there, measuring 79 feet long, puffing smoke from its impressive nostrils (like Jeffrey driving on the 5 freeway) and consuming the occasional child (if only), is the Dragon. Watch closely as it taps its claw against a rock or heaves its torso as it breathes. Since everyone knows that the dragon of Sleeping Beauty ends up dead almost as soon as she arrives on the scene, we can only assume that this dragon is a replacement, sent down by central casting to sub. She’s a beauty, nonetheless.

Back in the light, just beyond the tea cups is the delightful Alice’s Curious Labyrinth, a garden maze in the British tradition. Ladies, let’s consider Alice for a moment. Dressed in white tights, she wanders around bushes, chases an elusive pussy, runs from a vicious queen and says “Eat Me. ” Hmmmm. Of course, she also smokes a hooka with a caterpillar and fights with flowers, so perhaps she defies easy classification. Like any walk-through attraction, the maze is much more fun when it’s empty than when you are forced to go at the pace of the crowd so as not to stop traffic. Once they were planted, it took a full four years for the shrubs to grow high enough for this maze open. But don’t let the tall walls give you and your honey a false sense of privacy- there are small children around every bend.

Fantasyland also boasts another excellent sit-down restaurant, Auberge de Cendrillon. Themed to the Cinderella story and serving rich, French cuisine, I recommend all three courses. Make sure you check out the glass coach in the courtyard before it ends up as pumpkin soup.

Popping out the other side (and you won’t be able to get there fast enough) takes guests into the park proper. The tiny expanse in front of you is actually divided into three “lands’ (the Animation Courtyard, the Production Courtyard and the Backlot) but, I challenge anyone who isn’t looking at their park map to tell me the difference between the areas. Walking from one end to the other (a feat achievable in about six minutes), there is the sense that you could be anywhere. The generic, concrete soundstage buildings have virtually none of the distinguishable design and detail work that make all of the other Disney parks successful. Nothing beckons and nothing charms. If you were looking to achieve some savings on camera film, this is the place.

All of that said, of the nine attractions in the park, a couple of them are quite good and two of them rank amongst Disneyland Paris’ most popular attractions.

Going clockwise around the U-shaped park, your Hollywood adventure begins in the Backlot. There, the fabulous Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster starring Aerosmith has been imported from Orlando. Unfortunately, this French version has been stripped of the original theme so instead of zipping through the Los Angeles freeways in a stretch limo on your way to a concert, you’re on a ride designed by Aerosmith (cause that’s what most has-been rock bands do, right? Design roller coasters?). There is no longer any context for your high-octane journey, but the coaster is a blast, nonetheless. The band has recorded a new pre-show film which makes no sense but at least gives them a presence (Veterans of the Disney–MGM version will giggle at poor actor Ken Marino whose video footage as a sound technician is recycled here but completely out of place without the rest of the MGM version’s tape).

Just next door is this park’s other big highlight, the Moteurs… Action! Stunt Show Spectacular. The conceit of this 45 minute car chase show, recently exported to Disney–MGM Studios, is that audience members are witnessing the taping of a few key stunts for an upcoming film. As at the Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular at MGM, guests are gratuitously chosen to participate as extras. The show is indeed fun- for its first third. But watching cars zip around and leap over one another gets tiresome fast, particularly since, unlike on an actual film shoot, none of them crash (they have another show to re-set for, after all). Set up time between stunts is slow, which gives this show some very long valleys to get through in order to experience the peaks. But the man on fire is very cool (and not dissimilar to my last break up).

Rounding out the Backlot attractions (yup, we’re done with this part already) is Armageddon: Special Effects. Apparently, when this park was being built, Disney assumed that their forthcoming Armageddon would be a classic instead of the snooozefest that it is. They were wrong. And now, to go with that expensive and stinky movie, there’s an expensive and stinky attraction. Hosted by Michael Clarke Duncan, guests go on a walk-through of a command station during its destruction by meteorite (almost as lethal as bad Imagineering). Special effects include fire, flood, and collapse of the station, but nothing in this attraction tops leaving it.

Next up is the Production Courtyard, featuring a truly embarrassing attraction called Walt Disney Television Studios. There, your video tour guide, Julie (of the French Disney Channel), takes you on a very short, kid friendly (read unashamedly schticky) walking tour of the “studio” and “console room” where she explains, via video monitors, that the Disney Channel employs technicians who beam programming all over Europe. Watching this girl and her incessant perkiness, we can only hope that her rehab is successful and that she’s getting paid a looooooot. Like the Rosie O’Donnell-hosted Boudin Bakery tour at California Adventure, there’s very little to see here. Still, adolescents love this attraction because it ends with an opportunity to enjoy the DisneyQuest import, CyberSpace Mountain, wherein guests can design their own roller coaster and then “ride” a simulated version.

The film, CineMagique, is next and it is, to me, the park’s best attraction. Martin Short stars as a tourist unwittingly caught in the movies. As in Billy Crystal’s Oscar montages, Short has been edited into a slew of famous film scenes, grouped by genre. He’s shot at by both cowboys and gangsters, he dances with Mary Poppins and her chimney sweeps, throws pies with Laurel & Hardy and escapes from the Star Wars Storm Troopers. In a nod to the French, Julia Delpy co-stars (speaking her lines in French to his in English) and shares a Technicolor musical scene under The Umbrellas of Cherbourg. Eagle eyes will spot the ubiquitous (and openly gay) Alan Cumming as the evil wizard responsible for all of the mayhem.

The Studio Tram Tour is next and it’s a doozy. Much like the tram tour at Disney–MGM, which has been whittled down to a shell of its former self, this is a short, silly tour. With no real production facilities here, what exactly are we touring? Well, with Jeremy Irons and Irene Jacob as your video hosts, alternating truly awful dialogue in English and French, the tour takes you by a set piece from the mini-series Dinotopia (oooooo!), a recreation of a scene from the flop, Reign of Fire, the park’s costume shop (where you can see the CineMagique duds on display), and a teeny boneyard, featuring a jeep or two and a plane from Pearl Harbor. Like at MGM, there’s also a Catastrophe Canyon where fire, flood, and earthquake rock your tram. It’s cute enough, but didn’t we do that five minutes ago at Armageddon? The whole tour takes under 15 minutes, which is a shame for those of you who were hoping to grab a nap.

Exiting the tour and heading left, you’ll find yourself in the Animation Courtyard section. First up is the Art of Disney Animation in a building marked by Mickey’s sorcerer’s hat, just like the actual animation studio in Burbank. Featuring the exact same elements to be found in the Animation attractions at DCA or MGM (Drawn to Animation starring Mushu, followed by an interactive games area), the animation display is quite enjoyable if it’s your first time. This play room features some interesting artifacts including a multiplane camera (a huge monstrosity allowing animation cells to be layered so as to suggest depth) and a very pretty collage of animated art .

You’ll pass by Mickey and Minnie’s trailer (who knew that times were so bad for them?) and can grab a photo before heading to the Flying Carpets Over Agrabah. We hated this re-dressed version of the Dumbo ride (because it’s nothing more than the Dumbo ride) when it opened at WDW. We still hate it even though here, it’s been given a movie theme. Now, as you spin around (and around, and around) Aladdin’s genie shouts directions to you as if you’re actors in a film. It’s a lame way to dress up a lame ride for a lame park. But ask us how we really feel?

Next door to the carpets is Animagique, a tepid stage show which might be better appreciated by French speakers. But I don’t think so. When Donald Duck gets himself into the animation film library during Mickey’s lunch (that sneaky Donald!) he finds himself caught up in scenes from a few classics like The Little Mermaid and The Jungle Book. There’s some impressive puppetry and black light work, but mostly this show is characters gesticulating wildly (as only they can do) to a soundtrack of film songs. Since you can get that at the parade, I recommend getting your character fix at the parade. After all, at least there you can eat!

Ready for your next adventure? Well you’re going to have to leave the park to experience it, ‘cause that’s all there is. The planned expansion should help but until then, the Studios is simply unfulfilled potential.

HOTEL NEWPORT BAY CLUB
Designed by the same people who brought you The Yacht and Beach Club Hotels at WDW, this huge hotel does, like the Florida version, evoke the New England coast. But again, while it’s nice, it’s done less well here, with the rooms bearing a closer resemblance to the Jersey Shore than to Martha’s Vineyard. It’s cheery though, and for the money, a better pick than Hotel New York. The Cape Cod Restaurant is quite good if you’re jonesing for some chowder.

DISNEY’S SEQUOIA LODGE
Let me admit outright that I am a city boy. Nature’s pretty and all, but the appeal of a national park-inspired hotel is somewhat lost on me. If pine cones, flannel and Brother Bear are your thing, however, then this place may be for you. But don’t expect the grandeur of other Disney Lodge Hotels like The Grand Californian or the Wilderness Lodge. This one’s a little more basic (actually, truth be told, it’s a little more like the actual hotels in Yosemite).


HOTEL CHEYENNE
If Frontierland had a Hotel, this would be it. Which is why I never stay there. But cowboys (and Indians) can wrassle up their rooms in low level buildings like the blacksmith or jail. Be careful about donning your drag, however—there’s a hanging tree out front. This one is not on the lake (more like a big fountain, actually) beyond Disney Village, but it is still walking distance from the parks.