SPRING 2011: THE DISNEY DREAM
Eddie sets sail on the newest ship in the Disney Cruise Line fleet… 
 
When we first reported on Disney Cruise Line back in 2003, our first and biggest task was to dispel the myth that we ourselves had hitherto bought into: that Disney Cruise Line (DCL), as the premiere family cruise, wouldn’t be suitable or enjoyable for two, single, gay (arguably) adult men. We had feared days at sea without escape from hoards of little moppets hyped up on sugar and sea air, running amok from deck to deck. Not that we were kid-phobic, we just figured the ships wouldn’t be our scene. We were dead wrong on so many counts and found ourselves pleasantly surprised by the whopping number of adult-only venues and activities on the ships. As we reported then, DCL does an amazing job of offering ALL age groups their own, age-appropriate diversions. Unlike the Disney Parks, which market vacations for sharing time with your family, DCL provides the opportunity for families to vacation together and never see each other till dinner, if that’s what they choose.
 
We were amazed and delighted by the adult-only pool, nightclubs, restaurant and coffee bar and were totally happy to fraternize with kids at the shows, shops and main dining rooms (not so much the buffet lines, but I digress). We were also pleasantly surprised at how comfortable we felt as gay men on a “family ship.” No stares, no comments, no awkward moments (unless you count my Speedo).
 

So now, eleven years after launching their first ship along comes Disney’s newest ship Disney Dream. And everything we liked about what are now called the “classic ships”? Expanded, evolved and extraordinary.   That’s actually true of the ship overall. Everything on board is state-of the-art and at the very top of the cruise industry’s standards. The detail work in every element—carpets, molding, signage, bathrooms—is simply unbelievable. It’s beautiful, thoughtful and thoroughly integrated but also whimsical and uniquely Disney. But for our purposes, I’ll stay focused on what makes a vacation on the Dream the vacation for me.

The Disney Dream 's magnificent atrium

To start with, let’s get back to those age-specific areas. They are vitally important to the ship’s harmony because at any given time, there is something going on that’s designed just for you and your peers. No one needs to be dragged to an activity that’s really better for someone older or younger in the party. As on the classic ships, there are designated areas for infants, smaller kids, older kids and teens. On the Dream, each of those areas is substantially bigger with eye-popping bells and whistles-- a Nemo-themed submarine with regular visits, from Crush the turtle, interacting with guests as he does in the parks’ Turtle Talk attraction; Andy’s Room from Toy Story, to scale as if kids were toys; Pixie Hollow with regular visits from Tinker Bell and her fairy friends—etc. But added to the mix and new to DCL is an area devoted just to tweens, Edge. There you can find stuff like Wii and multiple computers along with bean-bag chairs and such. Teens have Vibe, a massive (9,000 square foot) lounge that connects to an outdoor deck and pool area just for them.
 
So with the kids happily ensconced in their own areas, what do the adults have at their disposal?
 

The adult pool—with swim-up bar!

In addition to the adult pool, which features a bar you can swim up to (because why waste time getting in and out of the water?) and the very popular, classy Cove Café (Starbucks at Sea), the Dream has expanded all of its adult-only offerings. Senses Spa and Salon is gorgeous and huge, although I still maintain that, with limited time on the ship, I prefer to spend our time on board doing stuff that’s exclusive to the ship. Massages I can get elsewhere. From hot men. But I digress. Couples, however, may want to indulge in a couples massage in one of the treatment villas. Picture a massage room with its own private terrace, on which you are served tea and fresh fruit while you lounge on a chaise. Then you can soak for awhile in a private hot-tub while the sea breeze blows through your hair. There’s an outdoor shower, too, to rinse off as you gaze at the ocean. It’s pricey, but boy is it romantic. (And it comes with champagne!)

The elegance of Palo on the Disney Dream

The gym, too, is very big and unlike on gay cruises, not overcrowded. And you’ll need that gym if you eat in either of two the adult-only restaurants. You’d be an idiot not to.

The first of the two is Palo (means “pole” in Italian. Tee-hee. Pole.) and like on the classic ships, it’s divine. The Dream’s Palo features a very similar menu but a very different design of traditional Northern Italian motifs. Also new is an outdoor deck to allow for al fresco dining when the weather permits. Dining at Palo was always a highlight on the classic ships but Disney has dialed the dining experience up a notch with the introduction of Remy (as in the rat from Ratatouille) an intimate fine-dining experience. Let’s cut right to the chase on Remy: it costs an additional $75 per head. That may seem crazy considering you can have excellent meals for free at the general rotation restaurants (which, for the record are The Enchanted Garden, modeled after Versailles’s gardens; The Royal Table, which pays homage to all of the Disney princesses in very regal fashion; and Animator’s Palate, which has the same name as a restaurant on the classic ships but features design elements of an animator’s studio and a cool if over-hyped interactive experience with Crush, who apparently gets around even more than I do). But Remy is a dining experience unlike any I had ever experienced. Nine courses (give or take) of truly sensational French cuisine. Try the lobster with vanilla bisque and (yes, AND) the young pigeon pie with foie gras. Sounds creepy, tastes AMAZING! There were menu items I had never even heard of (Wagyu, anyone?). The cheese cart comes around with the penultimate course of distinct and delicious cheeses, and though you will no doubt order dessert, they bring you additional, must-sample treats like house-made marshmallows and lollipops.  
 
Smack between the two restaurants is a sophisticated cocktail lounge, Meridian, worth a visit for an evening libation even if you’re not staying for dinner. But new, sophisticated lounges are hardly in short supply. As on the classic ships, the majority of bars are clustered in a single, adult-only district which, on the Dream, is aptly called The District.

The three lounges on the classic ships give way to FIVE on the Dream, and each of them  offers ample reasons for you to warm up a stool. First up is the District Lounge, sort of the District’s lobby. Pretty, contemporary and quieter than some of the others, it offers an ongoing buffet of snack foods. But why stay here when there’s so much more to be seen….
 
687 (which, in case you are wondering, was the Dream’s block number in the Meyer Werft shipyards—every beam or piece of wood that came in for the Dream’s construction was numbered with a 687) is the pub/ sports bar. For those of you jock types, stop in to see whatever game is broadcasting on the many high-def screens (or stop in to see the guys and women who are focused on whatever game is broadcasting, if that’s your type). Since sports bars aren’t really my thing, I sauntered across the way to Pink, the champagne bar for which Tattinger created an exclusive rose. It only took a few sips in here for me to see Dumbo’s dancing pink elephants (and a few more to become one of Dumbo’s dancing pink elephants. This was after dinner at Remy, after all).

Next to Pink is Skyline, an upscale martini bar designed to offer sweeping views through penthouse “windows” (read: huge LED screens) where you can have a Manhattan in Manhattan. Oh wait, gotta switch cause the scenery just changed to Rio

Visit international cities without leaving the bar at Skyline!

Tokyo, Chicago and Paris are also featured in a rotating cycle that’s more than just a backdrop: look closely and you’ll see building lights going on and off, planes going by and general activity out the “windows”. With a pair of binoculars, you could sit here all night playing international Rear Window! But don’t. Because next door is Evolution, a nightclub as big as you’d find on land with a DJ pumping out tunes all night long. The rowdy crowd was a bit bachleorette party for our tastes, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t fun.
 
Of course, separating into the adults-only areas all the time kind of defeats the purpose of sailing on a Disney ship. And there’s just as much innovation to be found in the common areas. All around the ship, guests encounter Enchanted Art. That is, art that comes to life when one stands in front of it. And let me tell you, after enough time in Pink, it’s hard to know if a painting is actually winking at you or not!
 
The interior staterooms have become a whole lot more desirable with the inclusion of virtual portholes. Guest without windows now have real-time views of the ocean via porthole shaped screens, fed by cameras all around the ship. And since this is Disney, expect periodic visits from characters who can fly or swim. (Dumbo and Tinker Bell swoop by, as does Up’s Karl in his flying house. Sadly, Tarzan wasn’t known for his swimming). 

The AquaDuck swirls around the deck of the ship. Don't hit the buffet before riding.

And then there is the ship’s signature new attraction for all ages, The AquaDuck! Much like Typhoon Lagoon’s Crushin’ Gusher at WDW, The AquaDuck is a water coaster that will shoot you every which way via water jets.

The 765-foot coaster is contained in a clear, Lucite tube which affords riders great ship views as well as a loop right over the ocean. I rode again and again and again. And again.
 
And if that’s not enough to divert you—wait, there’s more! The shows, which were already favorite experiences on the classic ships, are now in a theatre that’s as grand as any on Broadway (and with a capacity of 1340, just as big). One of the three (and the gayest Disney show EVER), Villains Tonight, can also be found on Disney Magic and is discussed in our Fall 2010 update. The Golden Mickeys also plays on Disney Wonder but for the Dream, the show has been revamped and polished (mercifully cutting the tired “comedy” number from Tarzan in favor of a the gorgeously staged “I See the Light” from Tangled. The Little Mermaid’s “Under the Sea” has also been added, along with an aerial Ariel!). But the biggest and most spectacular of the shows is the newest, Disney’s Believe in which Aladdin’s Genie helps a too-busy father understand magic and in so doing, connect to his daughter. Truth be told, I think the writing in Believe is a bit lazy with an overused plot (anyone see the latest Tinker Bell movie? Or the DCL show Disney Dreams, in which Peter Pan teaches a skeptical little girl to believe?) but the production numbers, which feature Disney’s “magic-makers” like Mary Poppins, Merlin, Rafiki, Mama Odie and the Fairy Godmother, are truly fantastic.

The on-deck party/shows for Sail Away and Pirate night (featuring fireworks at sea) are also significantly improved upon from those on the classic ships but then, so is almost everything. The shops—more user friendly and better designed; the buffets—prettier and easier to manage; the staterooms—even more comfortable and stylish; the atrium—grander and even more gorgeous; the photo shop—cleverly and innovatively condensed. Disney has taken everything it learned from the last ships and built upon it to create a truly amazing new vessel.

Disney ships always have a lot of character. Literally.

If there’s a complaint about this ship it’s that there is just too much to take in on the short three and four day sailings the Dream sails. (That problem will be remedied next year when a very similar sister ship, the Fantasy, launches. It will take guests out for seven night voyages). But don’t get me wrong, I still love Disney Magic and Disney Wonder, most especially the relative intimacy of the smaller ships. What I hate, hate, hate is having to chose which one to go on next!
 
  

 

FALL 2010 UPDATES
Eddie's take on w hat’s new on the Disney Cruise Line:
 
Yeah, yeah, we know; anyone who’s tracking the Disney Cruise Line is counting the minutes till January, at which time the brand new ship, Disney Dream, will debut and Disney Wonder heads to its new West Coast home in Los Angeles. But the summer of 2010 brought its share of changes to the Cruise Line, some of which will be with us for years to come.
 
The exciting news onboard Disney Magic happened in the Walt Disney Theatre, where no less than three new shows debuted.
 
THE SHOW MUST GO ON

The biggest (and the gayest by far) is Villains Tonight. Villains, for those of you don’t keep your antennae tuned for all things related to evil queens, is a huge, brand-new musical extravaganza, devoted to Disney’s evil doers . Central to the show is Hades’ (he of Hercules) Evil-O-Meter, a device used to measure the evil in the underworld (much like the Soul Sensor in the musical Altar Boyz).

Ursula is played by a woman but may as well be a drag queen. © Disney

The Evil-O-Meter is running low, which causes Hades to seek the help of the great villains to fill it. But really, we think he went about this the entirely wrong way; if only he had swapped his Evil-O-Meter for a Gay-O-Meter, the thing would have exploded! Don’t believe us? Picture Cruella de Vil at the helm of a spectacular runway show, Project Cruella. Picture The Lion King’s Scar made even GAYER by costuming him in head-to-toe brown leather, heavy black eyeliner and enough Mad Max-looking crap to make Tina Turner check her closet to see what’s been stolen. Picture Snow White’s Evil Queen in a bitch fight with Maleficent. Picture Yzma and Kronk (still a muscle stud in a skirt) from The Emperor’s New Groove in a MASSIVE show-stopping number, “Yzmaopolis” (actually from the series The Emperor’s New School). Picture Jafar and Iago duetting on “Wind Beneath My Wings” while Captain Hook and Mr. Smee dance in the background. There’s more but we can’t give it ALL away. Even with the über-gay Dr. Facilier (Princess and the Frog) number cut after five months (the show was running long and the role is hard to cast), this show is gay, gay, gay, GAY! It’s also fantastic and totally irreverent, which is to be expected given that it’s by Hunter Bell and Jeff Bowen, the brilliant writers of the musical [title of show]. Villains’ humor was a teeny bit sophisticated for the wee ones, but it is such a delicious, eye-popping, hoot, we skipped dinner to watch it a second time. And if we’re skipping dinner, you know it’s love.
 
The two other new shows, which were added to the lineup for the summer’s longer itineraries, had to be carefully designed. After all, the Disney ships have very limited wing-space. Fitting the sets and costumes from the shows they already have is a squeeze tighter than the T-shirts we shimmy into from Gap Kids. So how can you find room for two more shows? By very smartly re-purposing a few key set pieces from the shows already on board and making clever use of video projection.
 
The first of the two, we have to concede, might be a bit of a snooze for kids. But for adults, Once Upon a Song is an absolute treat. The concept is very simple: five of the main-stage performers take to the stage and sing their faces off performing Disney music that doesn’t get quite as much play as some of the standards. “The Age of Not Believing” (Bedknobs and Broomsticks) “How Will You Know” (Enchanted), and “Look Through My Eyes” (Brother Bear) are among the selections that make up this simple, elegant evening of pure talent. The women even get to wear their own hair!!
 
Walt Disney: The Dream Goes On was the sleeper hit of the season. Slipped in as an additional show just for the summer’s European voyages, this show was so well received that we’d be shocked if it doesn’t resurface on future itineraries. Using video footage of Walt himself, the show looks at the Disney company’s achievements chronologically through the specific lens of Walt Disney’s dreams. The highlights include a medley of Disneyland songs and an absolutely gorgeous performance of Hercules’ “Go the Distance” by three harmonizing male singers while three hot male dancers leap across the stage in what has to be he first ever Hercules ballet (unless you count stuff Eddie performs for his cat). There’s also a lovely rendition of “If You Can Dream,” a song written for the first Disney Princess album and performed here with the dancers dressed to subtly suggest each of the heroines.
 
As much as we like the shows that recreate numbers from the classic Disney films, all three of these shows take that music and re-imagine for a new medium. When Disney gets this stuff right, they are better than anyone. And the good news is that even though the summer’s gone, the shows aren’t. Villains Tonight will not only continue on Disney Magic, it will be part of the rotation of shows when Disney Dream debuts in January. Once Upon a Song and The Dream Goes On are likely to be back next summer if not sooner, and the former of the two also found itself on Disney Wonder’s five-night itineraries this summer.  
 

I see pretty sights.

SEEING THE SIGHTS But if you want to see them all in one voyage, Disney Magic will be making a return journey to the Mediterranean for the summer of 2011. With two consecutive summers in Europe, SOMEONE had to get on board and see what the Med cruises were all about, so I took it upon myself to check it out. Now I have to confess that at first I was skeptical about a Disney Mediterranean cruise.

After all, what I love about traveling is really exploring destinations in depth. And what I love about sailing on the Disney Cruise Line is spending time luxuriating in all of the features of the ships. A trip that didn’t allow big stretches of time either in port or on board seemed like the worst of both worlds. Wrong! For starters, the Med itineraries include a couple of sea days and a full day in port, allowing for a decent amount of ship time. (Who am I kidding? It’s never enough! But a couple of days was good.) And while there were a few ports that were maddening to try to see in day (Rome in eight hours—are you out of your mind?), in almost all of the ports, with careful planning, I was able to accomplish almost everything I wanted to.
 
That took some doing: a lot of very careful planning and research before I got on board and then, getting off the ship from the moment they opened the doors in each port. I walked fast and almost never stopped for a sit-down meal. I realize that not everyone likes to travel like that. But for me, I wasn’t going to be happy unless I saw everything I possibly could in the time that I had. That’s not to say that I rushed through things or didn’t stop to smell any roses (or to allow myself to get taken for a coffee by a handsome stranger in Malta) but I was very careful about my time.
 
For some people that’s not a vacation. There are those of you who like to sleep in, see a site or two, have drinks with the locals, buy a T-shirt and call it a day. That’s nice, too, it’s just not me.
 
And some people really prefer to take tour excursions. On those, you are led so you don’t really have to worry about getting lost. Or mugged. Or hungry. You just follow the guide. If that’s you, Disney Cruise Line offers a huge variety of excursions (several of which are adult only for those without kids who might prefer a more sophisticated commentary). Personally, I hate traveling in a pack because you are frequently waiting for people, which sucks up precious time. Still more chunks of time are taken out for meals and shopping.  You are subject to seeing only what the guide shows you and all spontaneity is gone (and after all, when I see a dark alley, how can I resist exploring it). So, too, is money because those excursions can be far more pricey than seeing some of these places on your own. Granted, going off on your own takes some research and planning, and if navigating your way around a town where you don’t speak the language seems daunting, excursions might be your thing. Initially, I considered several excursions, but I found that, by and large, I was able to achieve the same things all on my own and for a lot less money. Which I could then spend on gelato.
 
Examples: docking at Civitavecchia, I could have taken an excursion called "Rome on Your Own" for $99. It would have taken me, by bus, into Rome and picked me up at the end of the day. Or I could walk to the train station from the port and take the train for $9 round trip and have two hours more in Rome than the bus tour would have allowed. Then again, when we docked in Tunis, venturing off of a prescribed course felt unsafe. I was happy to be led and taken by bus because there was no sightseeing accessible by foot or train and I didn't trust a local cabbie not to take me for a figurative ride while providing a literal one. The excursion was the way to go.
 
So where exactly does the Med Disney cruise take you? Seven ports: Valetta, Malta; Tunis, Tunisia; Naples, Italy; Civitavecchia (Rome), Italy; La Spezia (Florence/Pisa), Italy; Ajaccio, Corsica; and Villefranche (Nice/Monaco), France. What’s amazing about those ports is that I could very easily return next week and have a completely different trip.  My day in Naples, for example, was spent in Pompeii and then the isle of Capri but I could go back and explore Naples itself or Sorrento. In Villefranche, I visited Nice and Monaco but next time I could head out to St. Tropez. And in Civitavecchia, I’d very happily have another day in Rome. So if anyone wants to take me next year…. Hell-o? Anyone there? Anyone?
 
While a day in any of those ports won’t really give you the opportunity to explore much gay life (in Valetta, one of the first buildings on the walk from the port to the city was a bar proudly waving two pride flags. But shockingly, they weren’t open at 8:00 a.m. The nerve. I checked back at 5:00 p.m. when I had to head back to the ship, but still no go. Nightlife starts late in Europe.), there is some to be found if you look for it (just don’t look in Tunis—they aren’t such big fans of the gays there). And the cruise starts and ends in Barcelona, one of Europe’s gay Meccas with a score of clubs, bars, and shops; a very laid back population; and a gay beach that is busy at all hours of the day.

David in all his glory.

The sightseeing was extraordinary in all of the ports and the sheer variety was staggering: one day riding a Tunisian camel and exploring an Arab souk, the next sipping martinis outside the palace in Monaco. And in Florence, of course, there’s what is arguably the piece of art most revered in gay culture: Michelangelo’s David, which truly has to be seen in person to be believed (although can someone please explain why David isn’t cut? Please, the guy was Jewish!).

ONBOARD DELIGHTS Onboard, I expected the experience to be similar to that of the Bahamian and Caribbean Disney cruises I had taken but I was a bit wrong there, too. First of all, despite my preconceived notions, eleven days really does give you time to enjoy living on the ship in a leisurely way. There is time to see and do everything because you’re not having to cram it all in to a few days.  And there is far greater opportunity to get to know the wonderful Disney crew. The guest makeup was somewhat different than on the American based cruises in that there were far fewer children (although the fact that I sailed in late April while school was still in session may have contributed to that fact) and the ones who were there skewed a bit older. Then there were the characters who came out for their nightly photo sets dressed in costumes indigenous to whatever country we were visiting.

Eddie had to change because he and Minnie were originally in the same outfit.

You haven’t lived till you’ve seen belly dancer Minnie (in Tunis) or Mickey the mime (in France). The restaurants kept up with the pace by changing menus daily.
 
So was the cruise perfect? Pretty close. How do we get them to include Mykonos?
 
CASTAWAY YOUR TROUBLES
Meanwhile, back in the Atlantic, in anticipation of the higher capacity Disney Dream, Castaway Cay has unveiled a slew of new guest areas.
 
The family beach has been extended by a whopping seven hundred feet, and is capped by a cluster of private beach cabanas. Personally, we kind of hate the notion of private cabanas because it creates a class system that is otherwise absent from the Cruise Line’s public areas, but if you just can’t stand your fellow passengers, there is now a way to escape them. And for even more money, you can have your very own cabin… er, um, attendant.
 

In that same area is Pelican Plunge, a floating deck with two corkscrew water slides (one enclosed) that dump sliders into the ocean. They are fun but quick. Ride first thing in the morning before the lines snake on the beach in the mid-day heat. Or start off with a couple of Mai Thais at the adjacent new Sand Bar and you’ll hardly notice the lines.

Are you ready to take the Plunge? © Disney

The bar is on a pier surrounded by water and offering gorgeous, romantic views. Also nearby is the Spring-a-Leak play area where fountains spurt water while pipes from up above drip down for those who like to cool off without getting wet in the ocean (we prefer to simply dump our Mai Thais on each other). There is a Cookie’s Barbecue annex and a new store, Buy the Sea Shore. There are also expanded areas for teens and toddlers. All of this expansion will be great when Disney Dream docks, but it’s even better for guests on Disney Magic; Their ship will be bringing the same number of guests as always but those guests now have a lot more space to play in.
 
 

SPRING 2010 UPDATES
Queen's Note: Directly below Eddie offers some insight into all the exciting changes Disney Cruise Line has implemented recently. Below that is our original entry which gives a general overview of how to cruise (Disney ships, not tea rooms).

Aboard Disney Wonder, their most recent dry dock has led to some great structural enhancements. Most notably, the adult only coffee bar, the Cove Café, has morphed into a two-deck affair, expanding its foot print by about 300%. The additional space, which can be accessed by a new spiral staircase within the Cove or from a new entrance on Deck 10, creates a warm, inviting interior area that may prove necessary once the Wonder heads west and starts embarking on those chillier Alaskan itineraries. A chunk of Deck 10 sun bathing space has been lost, but the trade off is worth it if you ask us. There were far too few places aboard to mix with other adults sans romping children (the precious muffins). This one is a welcome addition.

Other changes are more subtle, and have been duplicated on Disney Magic, but they are still marked improvements. The design of the Deck 3 shop, Mickey’s Mates, has been altered to allow greater guest flow. The stage and piano in the Cadillac Lounge have been moved to the far end of the room so that guests comings and goings aren’t quite so obvious (read: when guests walk out on a singer’s crappy Sinatra set, they aren’t walking right by the singer in the process). And over at Shutters, kiosks have been installed to allow guests to look at all of their pictures on screen at once, rather than having to locate them on the shop’s walls (the downside, of course, is that in doing that, you deprive yourself of the great pleasure of looking at other people’s pictures). Interestingly, when last we sailed, the kiosks on Disney Wonder allowed guests to alter their pictures (change sizes, change borders, etc) while those on Disney Magic did not. Presumably, those differences are temporary.

And finally, in a non-structural change, The Golden Mickey’s has vacated Disney Magic to make room for the highly anticipated new show, Villains Tonight. Over on Disney Wonder, The Golden Mickey’s still plays, but the ship-to-shore “call” between Ensign Benson and Roy E. Disney that bookends the show had to be changed with Roy’s passing (after all, Ensign Benson’s a stage manager, not a medium). So now that call happens between Benson and Whoopi Goldberg. (The footage actually dates back to a period when Roy was fighting with Michael Eisner and on the outs with the company. The backup footage of Whoopi, delivering almost the same dialogue as Roy’s, was shot just in case things got REALLY hairy).

There’s plenty of Roy footage, however, in two new programs on Disney Magic. On sea days, the speaker series at which guests used to be able to hear different Disney executives and/or special guests talk about their work with the company (with mixed results; some guests were far more interesting than others), has been replaced by a program called Disney Innovations. It’s a scripted lecture that features an activities crew member (those same Stepford kids who lead bingo and try to get you to dance the Macarena) and a great deal of video footage explaining Disney’s innovations in either theme parks or in animation (depending on the lecture you attend). While this new format creates consistency of programming (and saves money), it also kills spontaneity. There’s actually no reason for this “lecture” to be live now, since the same footage could be shown without interruption as a short film. And like any park attraction with a live the host, these sessions run the gambit from charming to grating, depending on who you get. But you will definitely get a lot of Roy, sharing some fun and interesting Disney history.